No one but god

24/12/2019

I am a picture of good health

Cholesterol

Blood Sugar

White blood cell count

Solid heart

And the heavy smoking

Hasn’t hobbled me yet

But still no one knows

My troubles but god

I work out

Best shape of my life

And I have my mantras

And my mindfulness

But still no one knows

My troubles but god

I’ve got a place to live

A job lined up

And a new girl on the scene

But still no one knows

My troubles but god

The meds work

And the voices are gone

Anti-Psychotic, Anti-Depressant

Success stories

But still no one knows

My troubles but god

Someday it will all pour out of me

The pain, the heartache, the wasted years

But still I fear

That god may have in store for me

A storm that destroys

All the good I’ve worked so hard for

And still no one knows

My troubles but god

—

The longer I spent locked up the harder I tried to improve myself. I drew portraits, learned French, worked out, meditated, wrote poetry and wrote a book. I conquered my mental health demons and had a job and a place lined up for when I was released. Still I’ve never shared the gritty details about the pain of the first few years of jail and the perfect storm that led to my incarceration. I’m not religious but I find a lot of the concepts, imagery and language of religion captures the sentiments that I desire to express.