The tears didn’t flow; I would have felt better if they did.
28/2/2020
When I cried at the airport
It was the third time as an adult
For a grown man to cry it takes
Next level catastrophe
And so it was
My life had taken a turn for the worse
I thought about:
My soul and the soul
Of the love of my life
Drifting in the clouds
None of the weight of modern life
Free forever
To enjoy each others company
I saw it all coming
The cold terror, black misery and death
The hard years on the inside
And the worst kind of nightmare life
So much so that I thought
I had died and gone to hell
And I was becoming
Truly out of touch with reality
I had lost my mind
When I cried in the airport
Is was for paradise lost
—
It takes a lot for a grown man to cry, the weight of the issues in my life and losing the great love of my twenties crashed into me and shook me so hard I buckled and sobbed.
Strangely though when I first got locked up and thought I might be spending life in the slammer I didn’t cry. I thought when I got released I would cry tears of joy but nothing came. It’s probably a good thing to be a little more resilient these days but sometimes I wish I was more alive to my emotions and could feel a little melancholy or a little content when it’s appropriate.
The tears didn’t flow; I would have felt better if they did.
