Live Without

The pain of being deprived never really fades.

3/9/2018

There’s a lot of things I live without:

The company of family and friends

The chance to pursue my passions

To choose the company I keep

To choose the hours that I sleep

I live without:

Women and wine

True laughter and cheer

My choices are curtailed

By cinder block walls

But of all the things I live without

What cuts the deepest is to  be deprived

Of the one I love

Who makes my spirit soar

And makes me whole

Where once was a fragile flame of life

And once was the desolation of my soul

With each passing day

She becomes more distant

And forges on through life

Without my protection

As I dream of her light

In the darkest of places

And wonder if someday

When the light shines on us again

She’ll have room in her life

For a man that’s had to live without

—

Jail takes away many things, family, friends and lovers for starters. Freedom, music, entertainment and the choice of how to live your life. You have to work over time to achieve any sort of contentment and while you learn to live without these things the pain of being deprived never really fades.  

A big question that stayed with me throughout my time was whether the one I always loved would ever forgive me and be part of my life.

She didn’t and isn’t and it stung for a while and only hurts me now that I may have hurt her. But I no longer dwell too long on regrets. I’ve learned to live with my burden.