Not My Time

Everything happens for a reason.
9/10/2019

The first time I attempted suicide

I was serious about it

I tied my hands behind my back

And kicked ‘The Bucket’

Only it was a milk crate in this case

Somehow in the time it took to pass out

I got my hands free

And pulled my neck out of the rope

I lost consciousness as I hit the ground

And lost my nerve to try again

I had no plans beyond ending it

So I just sat in my van

Not eating much and thinking less

After a few days of straight up misery

I stepped out of my van

To find the creek bed I had chosen

For it’s remote obscurity

Had filled with water

Leaving me on an island

Then I noticed

I had a flat tyre

And so I felt, this is it

There was nothing left

But to try again

When all hope was lost

An angel appeared

The local cop

The only one for miles and miles

Rocked up at the creek

And offered to take me back to civilization

It wasn’t my time

—

I was in a lot of pain leading up to the years I spent locked up, it’s takes a surprising amount of will power to end your own life and even then instinct and luck can save you when you least expect it.

Every day I’m thankful that I made it through the head space that left me wanting to end it. If I knew then how much I would enjoy life in the future I would never have tried.

Some believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe that’s true.