I know that these feelings will pass.
12/12/2020
Falling fast and falling free
Too much reality is a terrible thing
They say run your own race
But it’s hard not to compare
Yourself to all the winners
That never faltered on the golden path
And no woman will ever compare
To the brightest star in my sky
Who left me cold
And I couldn’t blame her
With the baggage I carry
But all the hard work
And positive energy in the world
Can’t heal these wounds
And I’m the master
Of silver linings and glasses half full
But my relentless striving
Feels futile
In the face of status anxiety
And the endless sausage fest
Of life post release
So like Tom Waits
Wake up every day
Get behind the mule and plow
Sow seeds of beauty and light
Hit the gym
Work hard
Upgrade everything
Keep the vices in check
And hop like a bastard
That this feeling passes
—
Lately I’ve been having some uncharacteristic highs and lows, a few days ago at work I felt extremely depressed and later that day I felt just fine.
For the first 6 months of life post release I was comparing myself to crims and as such felt great about where I was positioned in life. Now after some time on the outside I’m starting to compare myself to regular folks and it’s kind of depressing.
I know that these feelings will pass but for now it burns my soul like a dog from hell.
Christo, sorry you are experiencing some depression. It probably doesn’t help to know that this is very common during the holiday season. I hope it helps that others see you in a favorable light. I think you are doing great!
When my husband died, I didn’t go on a date for 12 years. I didn’t think I could fall in love again, but I have and have been very happy for the last six years. I hope you find both success and happiness. I believe you are well on your way! 🙂
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Thanks Cheryl, as always your words are welcome and uplifting, I’m feeling much better now and had a wonderful Christmas. I’m glad you’ve found some happiness in this world, there are many who don’t. Best wishes for the new year:)
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