Clarity

I want her to be happy above all else. 

18/02/2021 

Let’s have a moment of clarity 

Let’s see what we need to see 

The truth is my dear 

That you are right not to love me 

I’m unlovable 

A you remain 

A light too bright 

For my soul to bear 

If only you had  

A kind word for me 

It would heal a thousand cuts 

And give life fresh meaning 

But I keep my distance 

Lest my demons hurt you 

Who is so pure and undeserving 

Of the misery that permeates 

More lives than not 

I only hope and prey 

That I misread your sadness 

That’s it’s just an aesthetic 

You find appealing 

And not in part the result 

Of my own epic failures 

I can bare the hurt  

Of love lost 

But knowing your sadness 

Might  be in some small amount 

My own fault 

Is too much for my troubled soul 

Find joy 

Find love 

Find meaning 

Find contentment 

And please, please, please 

Be happy in this world 

— 

I still have the woman I loved for 15 years on Instagram, she’s an artist and her work seems to be filled with melancholia. I honestly hope I’m misreading it and in truth have to avoid looking at her posts as they have a terrible effect on my usually good mood. 

I want her to be happy above all else and I know deep down she’s better off without me but I wish I could cure her sadness. 

9 thoughts on “Clarity

    1. Thanks Cheryl, I often think about it but I feel like she’s well and truly moved on. Maybe when I’ve proved myself a decent human being I’ll check in with her.. I still carry a stigma that’s hard for some to process. Food for thought anyway, all the best take care🙂

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  1. It can be sad if melancholia is a main element of her life. On the positive side there are those writers whose genre is “melancholia” or “nature” or “horror” etc. Anyway, when you’re ready, just ask her straightaway if this is her general mindset. Peace, Christo.
    Art

    Liked by 1 person

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