One of the first things said to me when I got locked up was ‘you’ll die in here’. I was in the Crisis Support Unit on suicide watch with severe mental health problems facing a lengthy stay in the slammer.
I could have ended my own life then and there but something in my soul was holding on to hope. That faith was rewarded when I got a manageable sentence and again when I made it out to freedom.
The only positive from facing such dark days is that little dramas just seem laughable in the context of my life experiences as a whole.
“Some of the most wonderous people I knew were self destructive”
I’ve decided that every Friday I’m going to share some of the poetry that inspires me. The first one is a lad that grew up a stone’s throw from where I live and work in Queanbeyan NSW. An author, poet and Hip Hop artist that cuts to the core of growing up in the multicultural suburbs of Australia. Enjoy!
The miracle of life for me is that anything works as well as it does.
The complexity of life
Is truly mind blowing
7.8 billion humans
And each one of the billions of cells
Found in each human body
Is far more complex
Than the largest super computer
Let the synapses
Of my brain
Let the beauty inside
Remind me that when
All hope is lost
No matter the cost
Life is amazing!
The dramas that dance chaos
Through the calm of our souls
Is a reminder that
We are a flawed species
Life could be heaven
Life could be bliss
If we could evolve past the instinct
To make war, to practice evil
To turn on our fellow man
Share a smile for good
Shed a tear for the bad
And be completely surprised
As am I
That anything in this world
Works as well as it does
This is all common knowledge but maybe it doesn’t hurt to think about from time to time.
I remember reading some years ago that 1 in 5 of people will experience depression in their life. It’s probably increased since then but I find it completely astonishing that most people won’t. Who are these people that are routinely happy their whole lives?
The miracle of life for me is that anything works as well as it does, the supply chain, city infrastructure, buildings mostly not falling down. It blows my mind that we are so close to having things sorted and so far at the same time.
Pray you are one of the lucky few who have a smooth ride through this world and know if you don’t it will only make you stronger.
As tough as the days are trying to prove myself at the new job, the evenings are bliss. Without doing anything too special I am in a remarkably good headspace when I’m just chilling at home.
Trying to recapture something approaching the happiness of youth is proving tough and maybe I never will, but I am determined to fight hard for something better than just getting by. At the end of the day I feel blessed to have been given a life, free to live to the best of my ability.
I’ve been through some tough times and I think it’s made me strong and resilient in a way that only serious hardship can. If I think about how my mind works and the determination I have, compared to who I was in my early twenties I never would have thought I would be the kind of person I am today. There is still much work to be done but I nurse a little pride for where I am in life.
Or maybe, just maybe, for the promised land to find me
Sincere apologies to my readers for going off the grid for so long without an explanation. I started a new job, was studying by night and was in a bit of a depressive rut.
I’ve started writing again and intend to start posting on a regular basis.
I have to remind myself when I’m a little depressed that not that long ago I was doing it so much tougher. I’ve been collecting records and have my own car, place and job so in a lot of ways things are actually pretty awesome. Always room for improvement but things could be so much worse.
Gratitude in all things, let me never lose sight of how it could’ve been.
I’ve been having a break from the poetry, partly to focus on my studies and career prospects and partly that I feel I have said everything that’s on my mind already. I don’t do a lot of rhyming stuff but this one felt natural.
Life after incarceration is full of challenges, finding work and figuring out when to tell a date about my past are often a struggle. Somehow, I manage to float on and live without despairing or losing hope.